That moment when your plane gracefully banks, you gently shift to the left or right, and that golden early morning/late afternoon light traces the inside of the cabin…
I think today is a good day to discuss this thing that everyone seems to be reaching for in some capacity. You know, that “love” thing. Over the past few years I’ve seen a number of people fall in and out of love. There are a few things I’ve learned as a result of observing some of the things people do and say. I have no idea what I’m going to say here. I’m just as flawed as anyone. I’m not a relationship psychologist or one of these self-proclaimed “love doctors” out there. I just tend to listen to people when they tell me things.
1. There are no “rules” - There is always an exception to the rule. What works for someone may not work for another. Similarly, what works for one couple may not work for another. People are different and they differently love different people. That’s how two people can get together, their relationship makes absolutely no sense to you, but it makes complete sense to them…and they make it work.
2. There are no “tricks” - Yes, attraction is attraction and there are a number of things at work in that but why play games with someone to win their love? What is the strength of a “love” painstakingly constructed with deception, selective engagement, and superficiality. Relationships that are founded in deception are like termite-infested houses. They’ll need a lot of love and work to stay together if they don’t crumble at the first hint of neglect. When the wind blows just the right way, the whole structure is in trouble.
3. Force and love don’t mix - Force and love are like oil and water, they just do not mix. You can’t make anybody love you. It doesn’t work like that, and it shouldn’t. You can’t make anybody be someone they don’t want to be. You can’t force or expect someone to be your everything, supply your every need, or read your mind. I’d get into why that is, but that’s an entirely different but beautiful subject.
4. Trust - Trust holds a lot together, much more than you might think. That’s why faith is such a powerful force that many can’t quite understand. Trust is definitely one of the things you’ve got to press into when storms toss the seas - and they will. The tough thing about trust is that when it gets damaged, it’s hard to put the pieces back together. I think deception and cheating dilute the adhesive that holds so much together.
5. Communicate - When two people are willing to sit down with each other and talk, really talk, so much can be accomplished. So much pain could be avoided by just embracing honesty, patience, and forgiveness while talking through what ails you. Really cool things can happen when two people are willing to try. Listen.
6. Keep an eye on the heat - (1) When things heat up (arguments) and emotions start running high, turn down the heat and step away for a minute or two. The nasty things people say to each other in moments of intense anger or frustration are also the things that stick in your head for years to come. You can see the burner dial a bit better when there isn’t a steaming pot clouding your view. (2) When the heat (romance) starts to dwindle, keep an eye on it. Don’t let the flame go out because if you do, things get cold in a hurry and you know how much the cold sucks. (See point 5)
7. Take care - Take care of yourself and take care of who you love. We should all take responsibility for taking care of ourselves but sometimes it takes someone that knows us well, outside of ourselves, to show us where we need help. Know the person you love. Know what they nerd out about, know what makes them tick, know where they are weak and meet them there, know where they are strong and meet them there. Look after each other and take time to maintain what you’ve built together whether that be a friendship, relationship, or marriage. What happens to a crop when it is over-harvested and neglected? What happens to plants when they are left outside to freeze?
8. Read the signs - It doesn’t take long for someone’s true colors to show. You’ve just got to be able to see clearly when it counts. Once you’ve experienced the colors, you’ve got to make a decision on the colors you will accept and the ones you won’t tolerate. Figure out the math well, things could get really interesting, really quickly if you don’t.
9. Don’t go to space - When two people fall madly in love, something really cool happens - they rise. Well, not literally, but you know exactly what I’m talking about. They rise together and there seems to be no stopping it. Balloons pop when they float too far into the atmosphere. At least one person has to keep their toe on the ground, not even the whole foot of one person, but at least a toe. Stay grounded in something. Invest in your love but be able to invest in other things and other people.
10. Time - It’s a funny thing isn’t it? Two people at the right place at the right time and there you have it. Two people in the wrong circumstances at the wrong time. Two people too far apart for too long. Time. If you need to say something, say it. If you need help, seek it. Gather what you need to love yourself, on a genuine level, and what you need to love others.
Love is the rare, honest, powerful surge of emotion that caresses the very depths of the soul and stands boldly in the face of pain, uncertainty, and loss.
Thanks for reading. Love well and often.
I’m not sure if my posts across my blogs are combined but my music posts now live here: loveheard.tumblr.com. I’m happy to have a place where I can share music and I’m even happier to not have to do it on Facebook. I hope that you all are doing well and enjoying as much of life as you can. We’ve recently been reminded, yet again, that we need to draw closer to each other. We need to remember to love and care wherever and whenever we can because the world needs us to do so. Enjoy the remainder of the holiday season everyone.
Berndnaut Smilde is an artist based out of Amsterdam that creates magic. He plays with our atmosphere, consuming our water vapors and forming clouds in abandoned rooms. In reality… his natural concept is produced through smoke and intricate back lighting.
The best desk in the world.